'Nother Day On The Hill

Did you see the new steadicam? It's sick. It's like Spiderman. -Phil

We're having an AD conversation here. -Phil
You're having it loud enough for me to hear. -Bree

It's called Gandylandia. -James

The best part about Gandylandia is that it's spelled Gandy_pants. Don't ask me how the pronunciation works. -James

You guys! You can't put a hat on the bed! That's like, the worst luck in all cowboy-dom. -John

Does your camera have smell-o-vision? -JB

Todd, I want to hire you as a hitman. Let's talk in a dark alley sometime. -Asia

Are you sure I wasn't shirtless? -John
You and Derek Pueblo, dude. -Tom

What's in the box, Bryan? -Kristen
Wouldn't you like to know. -Bryan

I like the word 'slave'. A lot. -Spencer

When did you convert to Craft? -Spencer
I didn't. -Bree

This roll tastes like cow. -Melanie

Is that supposed to fall? -John

*hiccup* -Bree
Bree, we're rolling. Please. -Bill

Here is your motivation. Gravity is keeping it on the ground. You use your force to pick it up and walk over thinking, "What a great actor am I." -JB
Won't that take me out of the moment? -John
Don't worry about the moment, worry about the cup. -JB

No one said a blessing on my stew. -JB
Keep your mouth open, and we'll bless it in retrospect. -Melanie

I almost yelled "Cut" in the middle of your prayer. -Tom
'Cuz I stuttered? -Melanie
Because of the plane. -Tom

I love you girls from the bottom of my little heart-y. -Jordan
It's small, but it's hearty. -Phil

I have realized, I need four hands. With arms attached. -Shiloh

It's not the fear of peril, it's just that they're gross. -Melanie

I didn't really realize I was a picky eater until I realized I was a picky eater. -Melanie

Attention everyone. Your mom just called and said to put on more sunscreen. -Phil

We're ready to shoot - here comes the air force. -Bill

There are certain pop references I only address to Tom. -John

I''m like an infant. I can't take care of myself. -Derek

I think it's Shiloh's fault. -Derek
I heard my name. -Shiloh
Apparently, that sunburn mark is your fault. -Tom
Hell no, it's not. -Shiloh

Ok Todd, we're back in action. Also. . .you blow my mind. -Phil

Do you have Roos where you come from? -Steven
Do I have what? -Bree
Roos, you call them Roos. -Steven
Yeah, I do, but you don't. -Bree

Can we cut any of that? -Todd
Got any missiles? -Bryan

I'm pretty much deaf. I'm like, in my eighties. I can't hear, I can't see, I can't walk. I'm incontinent. I'm wetting myself right now. -Tom

Please grow up on the radios. -Phil

I'd trade you butts, but I don't think it's a surgical possibility. Then you'd never feel the ground. -Tom

Which is a bird, which is a plane? And which is Superman? -Tom

Hold for missile raid. -Bryan

Jerky stays forever. As long as there's not grass on it. -Tom

Is this a good look for me? -John
There's a tear in one of your butt cheeks, but. . . -Tom
It's as good as it's gonna get. -Bree

I was worried if those birds were sabotaging the lines. -Derek

I can't believe I didn't tell them what to do at the end of the scene! -Tom

Is there really still candy over here? -Phil

You wrote the line. -Derek
I know I did. -Tom

Can you please call me Sparkles from now on? -Melanie

You're like a disco jaguar. Very techno. I'm just gonna call you Disco Jaguar from now on. DJ for short. -David

Can you hear these mosquitoes right here? Oh, and maybe the plane. -Phil

Just think Poker Face. -Bree
I will just think about John's acting. -JB

Ok, rolling for real. -Phil

Oh my mosquito-age! That's so creepy! -Bryan

Is the ATV guy going home sad now? -Phil
It looks like it. -Wyatt
He might be crying. He's sticking a tissue in his helmet right now. -Phil

Also, tell him he has the loudest ATV ever, so you may want to look in on that. -Phil

Stop typing with a pen! -Derek

Usually quiet means you don't speak. -JB

Do you want to put your blood on that one? -Bryan

Hey John, can you just say your words, and then we'll go home. -JB

I get here, and I read Vogue. -Bree

Your clothes get twice as dirty and you can only do laundry half as often. -Bree

Too much bluffin' with your muffin. -Bree

Did you see what my brain just wrote? -Todd

Windy Hill

Eww, I touched it! -Amanda
Don't touch it! It's gooey. -Shiloh
That's what she said. -JB

What it is made for and what it is good for can be two different things. -JB

Lights. -JB
Camera. -Nathan
Action. -Shiloh
Lots and lots of action. -JB

Nathan, do you have to pee again? -Amanda
No. . .oh. Yes. Yes I do. -Nathan

I've got some bloody paper towels here. Are they yours? -Steven
I honestly don't know, but you're good to go ahead and chuck them. -Shiloh
How would I go about doing that? I don't have a DNA lab or anything nearby to take them to. -Steven
I said chuck them, dear boy, not check them. Throw them away. -Shiloh
Oh. -Steven

We've got a bogey coming into base camp.

My whose is what? -JB

Two I's make a we. In Texas. -JB
Anywhere. -Amanda

Would you like to be alone with your stench? -Amanda

Jordan, quick! I need some grapes and a palm frond. -JB
I don't even know what the 2nd thing you said is. -Jordan

It's time for you to go to your mark. -Phil
Not until I get my grapes and my palm frond. -JB

Do you see Todd running down the hill like he's in an Enya music video? -Phil

I can't take my eyes off your crotch.
It's like the words on the butts of girls pants. You just can't look away.

It's my bucket. You can't have it. -Tom

Brandon Sanderson's so hot right now. So hot. -Joey

How 'bout the next thing you guys do is roll down the hill. -Carrie
We'll get wet, then roll down the hill. -Ephraim

This is gonna be my water bush. -Ben

Do you want me to do some pole-dancing? -Gary

NO! -David
Do you know how that makes me feel? -Bryan
NO! -David

Just to clarify, the small boat is the big boat. -Felicia

I feel like Pocahontas. -Bree

Guys, I don't actually like wearing girls' clothes. -David

How do you know this? -JB
I just know things. -Carrie

That's what cows do all day. They're just video game addicts, except with their stomachs. -Brandon

The universe just makes a little more sense now. -Bree

By unload the shack, I mean unload the handcart-thingy. -Todd

Oh no. That was the T-Rex. -Phil

Is my voice really windy right now? -Phil

Utah Lake

Why don't I think of everything? -Phil

He was talking like he'd talk to your face. Just kinda . . . casual and delirious. -Bree

What about broccoli ice cream? -Jeremy
I bet you can get it in Japan. -Spencer

Don't be jealous sweetie. -Gary

Tell me every boy you've ever kissed. -Gary
Nope. I really can't do that. Literally can't. -Melanie

I don't want to be the one doing the teaching. Too much work. -Kristen

My sister and I did not fight like girls. We fought like people. -Melanie

Hey Phil, everyone's laughing at me when I say lunch is over. -Todd

Being half-naked is not un-normal to people around there. -Melanie

It's like a dog with a tumor. I just can't stop staring. -Brandon

Can you slowly move closer and farther from it? -Phil

Jennie, I'm afraid our vomit is going to freeze. -Jessica
I know. We're going to have to thaw it over the fire. -Jennie

Don't quote me on that. -Amanda

Don't write that down. -Melanie

This shot is either the Derek Pueblo or the Marsha Brady. -Phil

Everyone thinks I'm really old all the time. -Melanie

My cigarette's better than yours! -Amanda

I want to go around and kick everybody's butts. -Melanie

What are you pushing up your nose? -Amanda

I just get really violent. With rocks. -Gary

It's a question of love or war. -Melanie
War. -Shiloh

If you don't make time, how can you ever have time? -Will

It's my job. I just lose pieces of wood. -Will

Tom, do you wanna see frame? -Derek
Yeah, I wanna see frame. What do you think I am, an axe-chopping idiot? -Tom

Going to the bathroom is like a time out on life. You can quote me on that. -Melanie

Derek, you say that like a British person. -Phil
I basically am a British person. -Derek

Ok, Derek. I brought you enough wood to make a tree. -Sophia

Sophia, you're like a lumberjack. -Phil
Ouch. -Sophia
A cute lumberjack. -Phil
You're just making the compliment worse. -Sophia

Let me disagree with him. -Derek.

Read my blog for more about that later. -Phil

Part of making a movie is coming to set for 12 hours and being bored. -Phil

God is a great gaffer. -Jordan A.

Tickle my pickle. There's your vegetable reference. -Phil
o_O -Surrounding group
I cannot believe you just said that. -Jordan A.
It's in Little Rascals! -Phil

Wait a minute. Twilight is a different movie. We can't shoot it at the same time. -Courtney
No, the fourth installment is due out soon. We want to wait for inspiration. -Phil
There are no vampires in this movie. -Courtney
That's what you thought. -Shiloh
Shiloh, don't scare me like that! -Courtney

Actually, Tom and I were feeding each other strawberries. It was weird. -Derek

My ignorance behooves me. -Mary

I almost punched myself in the crotch. -Derek

Did we talk about how you're a diva? But then you sang a Disney song, so you're ok. -Melanie to JB

The fire is reaching at my face. -JB

Watch out. It'll self-destruct in 5 seconds. -Stephen

Careful. I got a bad m&m. -Amanda
I think a little rabbit poop might've got in there by accident. -Phil

The kids made fun of me because I didn't know how to say 'cow' in Chinese. -Sophia

That's so Asian. Green tea ice cream. -Todd

Sorry, I was listening to our heads. -Melanie

Look out everyone! It's the spitter from Jurassic Park. -Phil

You don't really quote girl talk. -Amanda

Who made this road? Fools I tell you, fools! -Kristen

I feel like they're cows. They're always shouting at each other. -Kristen

You know that was a joke. Love is all I have for you. -JB
You say that in a French accent. -Bree

Shiloh, are you healed from being a sicko? -Asia

I wish I could quit Derek. I wish I could quit you. -Tom

Derek, you have a mohawk. What happened? -Courtney

Were you still talking about my mom? 'Cuz that was really rude. -Phil

Is there a sweepy-dusty thing in here? -Asia

You're so talented, it makes me want to throw up. -Asia

Rainy Day in the Canyon

Way to break the movie, Bree. -Courtney

Cones just help everybody know what to do. -Phil

I have awful things to say about that, so I'm not going to say anything. -Tom

Is that your defroster? -Tom
I've actually never seen that button. -Phil

I think Derek's a chauvinist pig. -Tom

You can see the party happening over there. Look at the windows fogging up. -Derek

It's like memory foam. It's sleep number, on the ceiling! -Felicia

Look, it's the gayest kid on set! -James

Stephen, did you bring the Nutella? -Shiloh
Yeah. -Stephen
Will you marry me? -Shiloh
. . . Have some gummies. -Stephen

There is nothing you can't act with a limp and a lisp. -Sean

Where ya gonna put the stick? -Stephen
Right up it. -Jessica

Beautiful place. Beautiful crew. -Tom

If you prayed for this, say a little prayer of gratitude. -Phil
For what, the sun or the rain? -Shiloh
If you prayed for the rain, you can just leave. -Phil
Say a prayer of repentance, you blasphemer. -Felicia

I think Ron's louder than your megaphone. -Felicia
Crap. Thanks a lot, duller image. -Phil

I say we all just run down there and beat him to death. -Tom

That was a premature bang. -Kristen

Everyone take a grape please. -Stephen
What's wrong with them? -Shiloh
They're filled with laxatives. And I don't want anymore laxative grapes. -Stephen

Please don't breathe into the mike like a creep. -Phil

Felicia! You're such a creeper! -Jennie

I lost my galosh. -Felicia

Oh, poor you in your shorts. -Babetta
I have something positive to say! At least there's less pant to get wet. -Felicia

Goin' on a cruise, gotta look good with my shirt off. -Phil

Hey girls! And LeGrand. -Phil

Jessica! You're the patriarch in this car - pick someone to pray. -Jennie
I'm not a patriarch, I'm a matriarch. -Jessica
We don't have a patriarch. The only testosterone in this car just left. -Babetta

Hey magical bus of fun, we're ready for you. -Phil

Fenton Quinn is a hobbit. -Babetta

There's a lot of cold out there. -Jennie

I don't want to waste water. Or garbage. -Felicia

I think I knew a Hawaiian girl named that. -Phil

Well, in that case, good. -Phil
In the case of Ron's son being a Hawaiian girl? -Felicia
Yes. -Phil

I love me a good chick bunny. -Jennie

I love the rain. It's just massaging my brain to sleep. -Brandon

I love horses! -Tom

That one's kind of the Beyonce of the group. -Phil

Smoke is fire that's not hot enough. -Tom

You guys know I can hear everything you say, right? -Bryan
Ha ha! I said something nice. The rest of you are busted. -Tom

It is now approaching the chicken. Not in grotesqueness, but in pathetic-ness. -Tom

That's TFU. -A. Todd
I don't know what that means. -Felicia

I am the one with the wilderness. -A. Todd

There's nothing like peeing yourself. -A. Todd

You guys can go get all horsed up. -Tom

I think, secretly, Rone Clawson wants to be Henry Heath, but he keeps getting in trouble. -Chris

Are we done? -Sophia
I think that Tom just likes clapping. -Bree

Goshen Canyon

I'm so good at stunts. Stunts and special effects, that's my middle name. -Tom

People, I'm gonna get you all. For littering. -Melanie

Derek's dumb. For such a smart guy, you're really dumb. -Tom

Film is just so cool some of the time. All the time. -Kristen

I lost the gun again. -Alex

Have I shown ya how to . . . this thing? -Bryan

I'm not spending $40 on a girl unless I'm getting something out of it. And I'm not talking a smile and a hug. -Gary Reimer

I judge people by their movie choices. -Bree

So, basically, pickup lines aren't about brain, they're about brawn? -Brandon
Yeah. -Felicia

Oh look, now I'm down on your level. -Bree

No one told me there was a freaking bridge! -Bree

I'm not sorry at all. In fact, I wish worse things had happened. -Tom

I love running with scissors. Now my feet are wet. I hate movies. -Tom

Let's do it again, Tom. If you care. -Phil
I don't care. -Tom

Derek's drunk again. As usual. -Tom

We've torn out more crotches in this film . . . -Tom

That was not making fun, that was love. -Derek

Let's all make out, and then we can go home. -Alex

I make awkward noises when I'm happy. -Melanie

Fenton kinda looks like one of the grandmas from my film right now. -Phil

I gave up all my morals to get a few more dollars in tips. -Melanie

It's true. I'm a cheap pirate wench. -Melanie

This film has ruined my nails. -Bree

Cue the wind. And the rain. -Bill

I need my criticism-phone. -Phil

Standby for lube. That's not a joke. -Phil

We're having audio issues. -Bill
What issues? -Tom
There is a train. -Bill
What was that? I can't hear you over the train. -Tom

So addicted. -Phil

If you don't want them to bug you, you need to wear more clothes. -Melanie
More clothes? But it's hot . . . earlier. -Stephen

What starts today? -Felicia
Your mom. -Melanie

I wonder how many of today's tans are gonna wash off when people get home? -Melanie

Oh, poppycock. -Babetta
Don't use such language, Babetta. -Bree

You don't really want it, but deep down you're saying, "I want SUGAR!" -Bree

Let's just have a plane write a big sign in the sky that says, "SHUT UP!" -Melanie

How are your pants holding up Heath? -Phil
Actually, they're doing great. -John

He's a little guy . . . but he scares the jumpy out of me. -Jordan

It's a Wyatt head! -Kristen

Do you have any arms to spare? -Kristen

If you could tell Hobbes to smile a little bigger, that'd be great. -Phil

Best Sound Day Ever

It's so old that it's not even there anymore! -Kai

Love that backin' up beep. It is my best friend on this shoot. -Tom

Yoinkers. . .and yoinky-doink. -Ephraim

Standby for wrappage. -Amanda
Rapid wrappage. -Tom

Derek, don't talk to me! -Tom

This is when the women in the audience go, "He's not all that bad." -John
This is the chick flick moment of the movie. -Tom

(singing) I love shooting on location, it's my favorite thing on earth. -Tom

Teeny-tiny mini micro shorts. Kickin' high. -Robyn
Kickin' high. Who's the target market for this stuff? -Tom

The sound gods are not strong with us today. We must have offended them. -Bryan
We must offer them a sacrifice. -Brandon
Yes. The 1st or 2nd AD. -Bryan

This is the day of amazing sounds. -Tom
It's actually a national holiday. -Jordan
You would think it would be a Saturday or something. It's just a phenomenal sound day. -Tom

Pigeon toes! -Jordan

You're fine Mr. Anal-Retentive. Let's go. -Tom

We said if you ever got unhappy, we'd call you negative Phil. -Tom

All I wanna do is spend time with you forever. Like, a million hours a day. -Jennie to Babetta

Derek, you're a good dancer. -Tom

Wait, go to channel . . . different. -A. Todd

I wanna horse and long lowing locks of love. -Jordan

There's a difference. Sweater, hoodie, jacket. -Kristen
Jumper, jumper . . . cardigan. -Bree

Silence is golden, like the sun. Golden-brown and textured like the sun. -Derek

I have little Asian toes. -Sophia
I didn't know that was a thing. -Mary
They look like a cow's. -Sophia
Cows have hoofs. -Felicia
*pause* Exactly. -Sophia

One of the actors pooped. Back to one. -Tom

Rehearsal's up! -Phil
Cue bullet bike. -Tom

Hobbs, we love the way you move. -Tom

I can't put my headphones on, I have a sandwich in my had. AAHHH!!! -Tom

How do you spell sandwich? -Brandon
Aah! No, no 't'! -Kristen

These sandbags are so effective. -Kristen

Oh look. The horse is loose again. -Shiloh

I'm a chicken model. I just work those chicken talents. -Jessica

Why are you following me with that? I walked away from you on purpose. -Melanie

We eat friends. That's what we do to them. -Melanie

Probably the best thing to do on set is stand here with a naked chicken and watch people walk up to me and go "eww." -Jessica

Several people have given me a talking to. It's the combined peer pressure. -Jennie

Latex gloves. Actually, they were made from calf membranes. -John
Udders on both hands. -Tom

We're not having chicken for lunch, are we? -John

For Robbing the Dead McNuggets. -Bill

I will glow, attracting attention to me. -John
You already do bro. -Tom

Closeup? Am I on camera? -John

Here's a man who can get a set quiet. -Tom

This is my plucking position. -John

I can, I will, I'm gonna, I'm doin' it. -Tom

Please reload the buckets with the feathers and the membranes. -Phil

Did you know that today is National Dance Like a Chicken Day? -Bill
You lie. It lies. Everyone lies. -Tom

You don't have to care about Blanche, but don't hurt my feelings. -Jessica

Is the chicken wrapped? -Jessica
Is this a picture wrap for . . . . -John
For Blanche? -Jessica

It helps if you're slightly insane. -Bill

That David Thorpe's kinda handsome on film too ya know. -Tom

That is so disturbing to me. Carrying a mutilated corpse around. -

Could somebody go over and kill the person talking on the loudspeaker? -Tom

Blanche does the best chicken dance out of anyone. -Jessica

Hey Jessica. Make the chicken talk. -Phil

Stick 'em up! We're here on a soda raid. -Kristen

You're a tease and a murderer. -Rachel
Nobody's perfect. -Shiloh

It's stuck in people's hands. Their head-brains are exploding. -A. Todd

This is a sweet hug. This is a kindly sweet hug. Nothin' wrong with a little man love. -Tom
Would you like some sir? -Gary
. . . Sure. -Tom

We're ready for Heath's horse - Jango Fett, or whatever his name is. -Phil

I'm going to build a city, and leading up to that city will be Badger Ridge. -Tom

Them badgers'll bite ya. -Tom

Emphasis on the 'BIG' for the white chocolate mocha. -A. Todd

My personal favorite is peanut butter and onion sandwich. -Grant
How do you eat that? -Jordan
With my mouth. -Grant

That's vintage Tom. -Bill

all to A. Todd
I will hit you in the throat. -Tom
I will sock you in the neck. -Bill
I will shove a needle in your eye. -Tom

You made a really cute baby. -Tom
They come great from Russia. -Micah

Shiloh fell off herself! -Melanie

It's raining! It's the kind you can't feel, but you can see. -Robyn

My only caution is, if I don't like a certain take, I will splash my Dr. Pepper all over the monitor. And then I'll kick it. -Tom

You wanna give me a perm? It would be awesome - I would have a fro for the rest of the shoot. -A. Todd

I've given out tons of candy and gotten hardly any trash. Quit lying to me. -Stephen

We need you to hold very still because you're in between the sun and . . . -Phil
The moon. -Tom
And my heart. -Phil

Where's Todd. Oh, he's eating. -Tom

All the whoo became crack. -Jessica

We'll just float, and everyone will see everything. -Kristen

Gary would probably wear nail polish. -Melanie
Darn straight. -Gary

Kentucky fried chicken, try Kentucky fried vegetables. -Kristen

*lisp* It is just my experience with S&M. Shh that's how I knew how to shackle Jean Baptiste. -Tom, playing with the horsewhip

Your cricket is like, on testosterone. -Tom

Derek, you're frightening the children. -Tom
No, she came to me, she wanted to. Oh. She's smiling! Can I keep her? -Derek

I thought you were a man! -Babetta

Who in their right mind likes this weather? -Kristen
Shiloh. -Amanda
Yes, but I'm not in my right mind. -Shiloh

Mormons are so cute. -Robyn
You should see us when we get together with the Amish. -Tom

We used to steal Christmas trees. -Robyn

Places please. -Phil
For real? -John

What do you want with my brain? -Phil

If by funny you mean frightening, then yes. -Felicia

I love martinis. -Felicia

John's finally going mad. -Tom

We have to fix her bangs and his hair . . . well, both their bangs. -Shiloh

So Many Extras

Get away from me, dirt lady! -John

We'll call you Gary the Cable Guy. -Ephraim

Ooh. Show me that action again. That was hot. -Micah

I only wear it because I believe in it. -Gary

You can get older, or you can die. That's it. Those are your options. -John

The two ladies in bonnets? -Phil
*snort* They're all in bonnets. -Shiloh

I'm like a lizard. Just sayin'. -Jordan

Todd, I think if you could treat them like cattle as much as possible, that would boost morale. -Phil

I think I have a cattle prod in my car. -Phil

I'm not sitting by anybody, so I can't get any. -Shiloh
Get any? -Felicia
Quotes. -Shiloh

Lauren, you carry the hoe. sings: Lauren has a hoe. -Jessica
That makes you a pimp Lauren. -Morgan

What kind of kettle do they cook kettle chips in? -Morgan
Not this kind of kettle (tea kettle). -Jessica
Yeah, cuz if they didn't it wouldn't steam, it would say, "Your chips are crispy!" -Morgan

I feel dirtier than all the other extras. -Felicia

I check myself out in everything I can. -Felicia

Where is my gay friend Steven? -Felicia

Can we go off campus for lunch? -Morgan

Ice cream is my specialty. -Amanda

This is who I sit by, all day, everyday. -Kristen

Don't lose that pencil! I haven't lost a pencil in a day and a half. That's a record for me. -Kristen

There are all sorts of pioneer-y people hanging around. -Spencer
I thought you were gonna say pioneer pimps. -Felicia
Can you even do that? -Spencer
Do what? Pimp a pioneer? -Felicia

Whoa. We have a boom operating extra. -Jessica

It's things like that make me feel perma-fried. -Todd

Todd, can you get all the single people on the crew to start meeting up on the weekends, maybe go on some dates? -Phil
Copy, that. I'll set some PA's on that right away. -Jordan
And remind them that they need to be taking better care of their skin. -Phil
Makeup will get on that. -Shiloh
Also, if you could remind all the girls on the crew that I'm married? I've had some awkward moments. -Phil
Damn. -Bree

Yeah, I can be gangster. Look at these pants bro. -Bree

It's how I show my love. If I haven't punched you, I don't love you. -JB

Bree, that guy with the beard, is that Jesus? -Tom

I want to hit you in the head with that. -Jordan Augustine
I think my head would explode. -Jordan Peterson

How much do you believe in horoscopes? -Phil
What's higher than 100%? -Tom
Zero. -Derek
That's how much I believe in horoscopes. -Tom

I remember being an infant. Not fun. -Derek

I wanna be a ninja when I grow up. -Jordan

Never underestimate the cold. -Todd

Hey Slackjaw!

That's a heater there. -Jon Gries

He's too fast! -John
He's a fast dude. -Tom

You spawned evil! -Tom

I've got brown lung. -Jon

Jen-Jen, I'm worried this is gonna hurt you. -Jessica
I'm invincible, remember? -Jennie

Mormons aren't that cultish. -Jennie

I'm like, drunk on insomnia. -LeGrand

I don't know how much longer I can stand looking at you girls. -Megan

I got you in the face! -John

Fuh! That's a snake! -Leslie
Don't throw branches at it! -Tom Leffler
I think it's dead. -Leslie

Fire is up. Chicken's in the hole. -Phil

Poor Jessica, having to hold the chicken. -Shiloh
Poor us, having to look at the chicken. -Sam

Herbert Q. Featherstone. But we call him Herby for short. -Jessica

It's a party at the MPS. Per usual. -Jennie

Herby's starting to stink, guys. -Jessica
We've named him? -Sam

Herbert, Egbert, and Blanche. Or Roxanne. I just want it to have an 1800's kind of sound. We could call it Meade. -Jessica

Playing cowboys is hard work. -Jon

Herby's dying. -Jessica
Dying? He's already dead. -Shiloh
Don't say that! -Jessica

Don't get any of that chicken schmutz on my hat. -Jon

I would have punched you so hard you would have been castrated. -Derek

I'm like a horse. I hear people behind me, and I get skittish, and I don't want to run into them . . . -Derek

There are so many words flying around here. -Phil

Can you just pour all that olive juice in my mouth? -Phil

Look how far I can stick it in! -Brandon
It would be more impressive if it weren't wet. -Steven

We're burning clouds people. -Ephraim

Melweena is a good name for it. -Jessica

You got me good with the chicken that time. -Jon

He rules with a cotton puff fist. -Derek, about Phil

Melweena's had an accident. -Tamsen
She may have. -Jessica

I just wanna be warm. -Mary

I'm a trashy, trashy girl. -Felicia

Ahh, the cake's gone! Mm, love that cake. -Tom
You must acquire a Wyatt to go to the FSSS. -Jessica

Hello Shiloh, and my new friend Steven. You shall shield me from the rocks being pelted at my tooshie. -Felicia

Melanie, did you name the spider last night, or did I dream that? -Felicia
Harold. -Melanie
Harold! All I could think of was Hubert. Can we name something Hubert? -Felicia
How about the blender? -Melanie
My magic bullet. My magic bullet's name is now Hubert. -Felicia

I don't have enough shirts that I want to wear on set. -Derek

I sleep and drive. -Bryan

You wouldn't understand, Derek. It's about science. -David
It's not about science, it's about sewing. -Derek

My camera's being dumb. -Kristen
Take the dumb chip out of it. -Bryan

Standby for thinking. -Todd

Say something hot. -David
Who wants a body massage? -Chris

I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning. -Jon

This is a precious moment. -Steven
You're right Jon. We've got ones and zeroes out the wazoo. -Tom

Where'd my facehole go? -Jon

Whip him like you own him. -Don
No, whip him like I borrowed him. -John

What did you think of sister missionaries? -Spencer
They got hotter as their mission went on. -Ephraim

My brain is hardened sugar. -Jordan

C'mon script writer. You can change that. -John

Ah, damn. -Shiloh

You're related to Phil? I want to be related to Phil. Phil is a god in my eyes. -Steven

I hate it when people sue everybody. -Asia

Bill, I will hammer you like a borrowed mule. -Tom

That's the haircut office. -Random Passing Boy

I'm such a little slut. -Felicia

It sounds like a caravan of wagons to me. -Bryan
They're about to crash. -Tom
It's the Wright Brothers, passing by. -Kristen

LeGrand's a handsome man. -Tom

Scene Shop for a Sound Stage

Cambodia's not near Mexico. -James

I'm not gonna sign something without a signature. I mean, a walkie. -Will

I'm gonna look like a pig, walking back with all this food. -Erica
No, you just stuff it in your pockets. -Shiloh
And in your bra. -Tong

I like the word 'waftafaloosha'. -Melanie

It's the beard. It's more official. -Melanie
Maybe he needs some war paint. -Felicia

What makes a regular person look like they're from Jesus times? Their teeth? -Jessica

The weird thing is, I know their makeup artist. -Shiloh
That girl? -Lauren
No. He's a guy. -Shiloh

It's a true story. I was there. -Jessica

Although my physical being was unconscious, my spirit soared. -Melanie

I'm sorry I'm crushing your leg. -Melanie
I'm sure you're crushing it like a rock. -Jennie

Jennie is an overachiever, and won't let anyone else play with the toys. -Melanie

It takes the whole art department to put in branches? -Jessica

I feel so educated right now. -Kristen

No movement, no walking. -Todd
No sniffing your nose. -Bryan
Don't think. -Phil
Don't even breathe. -Todd

He has the most beautiful voice in history. -Tom

Well, we have a hailstorm. -Tom

These pants are too tight. I can't pull it out. -Bryan

Who just touched my bum? Oh, it was Jennie. -Felicia
Actually, it wasn't me. Surprisingly enough. -Jennie

What are you talking about? -Shiloh
She seduced someone who may or may not be her mother. -Felicia
Not true! -Melanie

It's cuz I'm always off doing important animal and vehicle things. And trees. Trees are an animal, I think. -Felicia

You should marry him. -Melanie

I kinda want to go hang out with Katie some more, because she feeds me. -Felicia

He's me and Shiloh's gay friend. -Felicia
Can I get out of this friendship? I mean, can I un-friend you? -Steven

Are you sick and demented in the brain? -Brandon

You had internal tears of joy. -Brandon

Quarter Syrian, what is that? That's 25%. That's a failing grade. -Tom

You got a haircut. -Katie
You're one of the ruder people I know. -James

No carb left behind. -Carrie

These are as good as kissing! -Phil on strawberries

I'm getting changed, then I'm going to the bar. -Mr. Corbin

Do you want your chair back? -Bryan
I actually kind of like sitting on an apple box. -Kristen

I brainwashed them. -Jessica

It's as true as doctrine. -Bryce

What rating are you going for? -Kristen
X. -Tom

Yeah, that'll work. -Derek
Your mom'll work. -David

Are you allergic to yawning? -Bryce
No. Yes, I believe yawning is contagious, it's infectious, but no, I'm not allergic to it. I don't sneeze when people yawn. -Shiloh

Relax in your shackles. -Tom

Oh, the life of a stand-in. -Bryce

By the end of it, I was script supervising. Look what you've done to me. -Kristen to Bryce

Let's wrap this burrito. -Bryce

Those were all attached, but they weren't. They were separate ideas. -Jessica

That sound means you're hitting something bad. -Tom

Cambodia is now England. -Tom

Margot 3

It's ideal entertainment. -Tom, on Lawrence Welk

Wait. The Sugar Plum Fairy is in The Nutcracker. -Todd, Jordan, or Phil

We are family! We are family!-Bree and Brandon, singing
That explains so much. -Shiloh
Hey! You're part of the family too, loser! -Bree

So, if I join wardrobe, would that mean an end to the hug-sniffs? -Brandon

There is someone for everyone. -Melanie

Just a big, hairy dinosaur. -Phil
You're not a dinosaur. -John
If he had scales and a tail, he would be a dinosaur. -Phil

Don't ruin my head! -Spencer

You know you want some. -Kristen
I kind of do. -Phil
Too bad. You're married. -Jessica

Can you feel the knots? -Kristen
Everyone has knots. Everyone's knotty. -Jessica

Can you take me to pee? I have to pee. They should just dig a hole out here. Ooh! Look at your hair! It's just like a pixie! That is just the most darling thing! -Margot to Jeremy

Turns out I'm no Miley Cyrus . . . I can pole dance, but . . . sorry. -Jennie

I'm making everyone weird on the set. I'm infectious. -Todd

Where the hell is my shovel? Who stole my shovel? -Margot

Places everybody. This is your place? -Bill
Yep. -Shiloh
Where's yours? -Amanda
I . . . don't know. -Bill

You Mormons have prayers that work! We won! -Margot

I'm a victim of the new math. -Bill

Margot Day 2

Cambodia's the circle place. -Mary
No, that's the Earth. -Jordan

Jordan to A. Todd. -Jordan
My name is A. Todd. -Todd
I have the bumbershoots. -Jordan

Moving on to 117 Delta. -Phil
I prefer Southwest, but we'll do Delta. -Bryan

You'll notice it says 'poorly' at the top of the script. -Tom

Amazing Grace isn't in our hymnal. That's evil. -Tom

It's about fallen people. We're Boy Scouts. We're PR people. We're PR righteous people. -Tom

Sophia, can you check on the lawn mower man? Tell him we love him. What he's doing is not that important. -Phil

It wouldn't go moldy, it would just go wrong. -Melanie

I just decided to call her a name which is not her own. That was rude of me. -Melanie

Oh, you're doing it too? -Bryan to Shiloh about whistling to the birds

Did you hear those voices Tommy? -Courtney
Oh yeah. I hear them all the time. -Bill

Sophia, you're so buff. -Kristen

Hey Derek, I think there's a continuity problem showing LeGrand in the shot. I mean, where did he come from? -Tom

No mandarin chicken left behind please. -Stephen

Did I just snap? -Jordan
Twice. -Bill
Oh, shoot. -Jordan

I'm going to fall out the side. -Lauren
That's why there's those grips to hold onto. -Whitney
Yeah, those Grips are good to hold onto. -Jennie

I really appreciate how you said prayer today with a rolling pin. -Kristen

They have diet coke, we discovered, which is monumental to me. -Kristen
No thanks. I just generally drink lard. -Tom

You just beat me all the time Shiloh. -Phil

Moving onto 117 Kelvin. -Phil
This is film-making, not chemistry. -Courtney

How's the ground? -Derek
It looks groundy. -Byron

That's 'cuz she's freakin-the-bomb.com. -Jordan

You're gonna get wet and your costume's gonna show it. Mister Macho. -Margot

Can I sit in the chair that says Margot Kidder? -John

I had to give it up for old age. -John

A little beer, a pain pill, I'm gonna be a happy camper. -Margot

We can bring you right out and stick you on your sticks. -Derek
We have to win! You're Mormons. PRAY! -Margot

1st Day with Margot

What kind of women are you? Do you want a Canadian to show you how to start a fire? -Margot Kidder

Don't look! Dead chicken! -Kristen

We don't do anything except eat . . . and bond. -Lauren

Standby for cloud . . . cloudy with a chance of movie making. -Phil

Did you chop its head off? -Lauren
Yeah. I used scissors. -Tamsen

When did they invent flipping the bird? -John Freeman
You can flip that bird. -Tom
That's where it came from. -John

What could cover that traffic noise? -Tom
A bubbling creek? Cows? -Derek
Chickens? -John
Rats? -David

Especially with Tom's scripts. He thinks his jokes are funny, so he laughs a lot. I bet Mr. Dungbeetle was probably the hardest thing he's done. -Jessica

Phil for Sophia. Let me know what you hear about the chainsaw people. -Phil

Picture's up! Picture's down. Too much sun. -Phil

My ears are very fleshy. -Jennie

She stood up and my walkie talkie ripped hers off her pants. -Jessica

So, Pueblo's name. It doesn't seem American. -Sophia
What's an American name, anyway? Blue Cloud? -Jessica

Just joking. I'm not interested. -Sophia

The delivery was just beautiful. -Jessica

You look like you have three hands. -Sophia

What happened to your unibomber outfit? -Shiloh

Hey Bree, can I get the Old Spice deodorant? I'm kinda stinky after all these steady-cam shots. -Derek
Let's just go shirt off. Shirt off mate. -Bree
No, don't! Don't listen to the girl. -Tom

You're gonna eat that? It's been on chicken ice. -Tara
I don't care, it's in its own container. -Jessica
Yeah, if I croak you'll know to be worried then. -Tamsen
Yeah, I mean, Tamsen's been intimate with the chicken. -Jessica

Why am I so dirty all the time? -John

We figured out why you never have to pee. You never drink. -Margot

I'm goin' to In'n'Out Burger. We don't have 'em up where I'm from. -John

I hate Sudafed. It makes me crazy. -Amanda

Can you please yell quiet as loud as you can? -Phil

Who are you? -Megan to A. Todd
That's what I was asking earlier. When we were dancing. -Jordan

Cue the police department. -Bill

Man, we are in tall cotton now. -Bill

What are you doing? You're not supposed to touch anything! -Bill
This is a mark to protect me, not hurt me! -Tom

I can pay for a chainsaw, but don't make me buy an airplane. -Bill

That's nice. Right there, that looks swell. -Bryan
Tom's hiney, that's what he's talking about. -Bill

He's a real camera man. I can tell. -Margot

Killing Actors

Guess you're pretty proud of yourself. That why your hat's backwards. -James
Yeah. And the sun is behind me. -Bryan
Prove it. -James

I should've worn my collar popped up so I wouldn't get sunburned, but I didn't want to look like an idiot. -Phil

I would rather look like an idiot with a popped collar than an idiot with a sunburn. -Sam

Have you seen the ugly chicken? -Jessica

Can you grow your beard down to about here by Tuesday? -Shiloh
I can grow it to my toes. -Jordan
Do it! -Shiloh
And then we can braid it! -Amanda
I came in late to this conversation, but I already feel like vomiting. -Tom
Braiding my beard. -Jordan
Eeaughoh XP -Tom

I rapped. I am so hip hop. -Tom

I love misty violet. -Bryan
O_o -Shiloh and Amanda

They've got good sushi, and then they've got more accessible sushi. -Brandon

My English degraded there for a second. -Jessica

What are we doing? -Jessica
Making a movie. -Jennie

I'm gonna make a movie about my life and call it "Kinda Awesome." -Phil

Your face looks like a little creature. -Babetta
Yours does too. 'Cuz it's the same as mine. -Brynn
Dang it. -Babetta

To HELL with the FedEx Truck. -Bryan

Touching. -Steven
Touch on. -Brandon

Can somebody teach me to act? This method thing isn't working for me. -Jean Baptiste, after not being able to deliver his lines due to being choked

Picnic

This is my unibomber on vacation outfit. -Bryce

That's such a stupid game. Let's punch each other! -Jessica

I've got a bug in my juice. Don't quote that. -Jessica

Not too shabby. -Shiloh
What? -Lauren
The cornbread. Not too shabby. -Shiloh
Hmm? I heard "too shabby". Someone must have impressed you. -Jessica
The cornbread. It's not. Too. Shabby. -Shiloh

Derek's pretty attractive. -Sophia
I've been waiting this whole time for someone to say that. Say it again. -Jessica
Derek's pretty attractive. -Sophia

He doesn't have time for sleep, or friends. Or a life. -Jennie

You just got ice cream in your hair dear. -Felicia
It looks like highlights. -Tamison

Day of the Deer

Hey Todd, try sending one of our carrier pigeons to talk to the lawn mower guy. -Phil
One what? -Todd
I was gonna say try a pigeon. Or maybe the paper airplane thing. -Phil

If lawns didn't grown, you wouldn't have to mow them. -

I go. I knock on the cabin door. It's very strange. -John Freeman

You've got the right to not do anything. -Tod Huntington
And then I'll shoot you. -Tom

It smells like DI in here. -Tod Huntington
That's because it is. -Asia

Ok, let's do this. Before the lawn mower from Hell returns. -Tom

Hey Bree, could you come check my wardrobe? I'm feeling a little self-conscious. I just think it could do a little more for my shape. -Phil
I don't think we can do anything about that. -Bree
Phil's busy asking Tom's opinion on his sexy body. -Babetta

Todd to Jo-ordan. Where are you? -Todd
I'm in the production office. But I'm in the crafty part. -Jordan

Would you like to sleep in a pile of shit? -Margot
The cows sure did. -John

Wait, where are you from? -Shiloh
I'm from Kansas. -Sophia
Oh. I don't know if we can be friends anymore. -Shiloh

We always let the pretty people run the set. -Jessica

What are you doing Shiloh? -
I'm taking pictures of people and their toastiness. -Shiloh
Toasty people. -Tara

Can I have a Dr. Pepper? -
Can I have a Coke while you're at it? -
Can I have a water? -
Can I have a beer? -Bree

This heater feels like the sun on my face-brain. -ToddThat was weird. Why did you do that? -Jordan
My brain is wobbly. -Todd

I thought that was a man-flea. -Todd

Are you calling me a soda . . . drinker? -Melanie

Hey Bree, can I get a big Audrey Hepburn hat to block the sun please? -Derek
Are you serious? -Bree
Yeah. I just want to wear it. -DerekHey Jessica, when picture's up, where is the friends circle gonna sit? -Phil

Well, I'm gonna leave you in charge of video village here . . . sandbag the ever livin' crap out of everything. -David
Hey Mel, Tombstone is flapping in the wind. -Phil

We forgot to turn on the missile launcher. -Bryan
No, it's on. We're out of missiles. -Phil
Guys, we don't actually have any missiles. No missiles on set. -James

Wipe away my ghetto fingerprints. Ghetto fingers. Ghetto hands. -Melanie

Is that a child? -Melanie
Also, if the deer could join us, that would be great. -Phil
No, don't sign them. We don't have the budget. They're union. -Bill
No, they're stag. -Phil

Don't forget I have a megaphone. -Phil

I'll climb the tree. Actually, no I won't. I'm in no mood for climbing trees. -Bree

You don't know how euphoric that . . . that sound . . that is so beautiful. -Bree

Dinner. My favorite part of the day. -Bree

I got so close to them! I wish I had a gun. -Shiloh

The bandana hides so much. You have no idea. -Shiloh

What if one of them started eating the tombstones? That would make my day. -Bree

Shiloh to camera please. I need your bandana. -Phil

Oh look. An expensive camera. -Bree

Cut! Let's go pee. -Tom
I'm glad we caught up. Because earlier in the day, it was stressful. Made my mind want to blow up. -Todd

I'm being a mom. -Phil

Won't you give me a sec? No one ever gives me a sec. -Byron
Nope. No secs for you. -Phil

He doesn't have to fully gobble, but the faster the better. -Phil

What? I went pee for 118 seconds, grabbed some dinner and talked to Margie. Where's the problem? -Tom

Good job holding the tin cup. -Todd
Actually Todd, it's copper. Way to fail. -Shiloh

Hey! Vegetarian! I called you. -MarSchelle

Oh, what a messed up day. -Todd

Night at the Graveyard

That's one weird dude. -Todd
You're one to speak. -Kristen
Says A. Todd Smith. -Babetta

How dare you talk about my mother! -Phil (through his megaphone)

Run, Tommy run! Don't trip. -Jessica

Run, Jessica, run! Oh, maybe not with an axe. -Kristen

I have to stand around Tom. He keeps feeding me my lines. -Bill

Brandon looks like he's about to charge somebody. -Tom

Make us look good. For Facebook you know. My mom. -Phil

My brain is unthawed. -Brandon

Robots dancing in the graveyard. -Jordan A.

I didn't realize it was possible to spoon in these chairs. -Sam

The cow is married, may I remind you? -Kristen