Antelope Island

at the house

Uh-oh. Tara's getting friendly with the milk again. -Melanie

How do you tell time upside down? -Melanie
It's easy. I just read it. -Shiloh

When are you guys heading out? -Stephen
Probably yesterday. Or in 10 minutes. -Melanie

on set

I'm a sucker for smooth, silky stuff. -Brandon

You and Tom Russell and your exacting Castilian Spanish. -Bill

He wears the effeminate hats. -Dean
He tells polar bear jokes. -Bill

Can you hold your breath? -Phil
It's salt water. -Jennie
Does that make a difference? -Phil

I think I just found a rib. -Gary

Oh, Shiloh's back. -Kristen

Eww. You're walking through the nasty crap. -Amanda
We like nasty crap. -Jordan A.

It's brine shrimp poo. Want some? -Jordan A.

He already was a monster. We just. . . -Jordan A.
Refined him? -Shiloh
We gave him an expansion pack. -Jordan A.
We gave him a poo pack. -Todd

Look! Gary's Adolf Chaplin. -Jordan A.

It's like a thousand little ants being crushed on my feet. -Todd

Spencer's just one of the girls. -David

No matter how low you get in the water, you will never look like a midget. -David

Guys. There is a crab eating my toes. So my toenail is biting him back. -Jordan A.

Just for the record, your pee will not kill a black widow spider. -Tom

Derek, you're ALIVE! -

Nobody's as ugly as you. -John

The other day I said windscreen and everybody laughed at me. -Bree

He gets to have his shirt off. Are you sure you don't want me to have mine off? -John

Do we have any water in here? -Gary
We're surrounded by it, you idiot. -Micah

I'm a little confused by this move. I can't piece it together. -Micah

We're not gonna tip, don't worry. -Gary
Your mom's gonna tip. -Melanie

Hey Ephraim. You think we'll be in sunlight soon? -Phil
Nope. -Ephraim
Way to be optimistic. -Gary

Is that the party boat over there? -John
Yeah. And you're not on it. -Shiloh
Then it's not the party boat. -John

Stop touching me, Micah. -Gary
Just go with it. -Micah
I don't know what that means. -Gary

That means people are going to have to talk to my face. -Melanie

Bree is walking on water right now. -Tom

Your toes look fat and stubby. -Amanda
Ohh! I do not have fat toes. -Melanie

We're moving this that way. -Melanie
Oh my gosh, you people are so high maintenance! -Bree
It's not us, it's Phil. -Lauren

Are you a Jew, David? -Bree
Yeah. -David
Really? -Bree
No. I wish I was Jewish. -David

Oh yeah. I'm sinking in good right there. -Bryan

Just lay down in the water and drown. -Tom

I'm just talking the way you imitate me. -Gary

Wang is the noun. Wanker is the verb. -Bree

You're fired, for your ignorance. -Bree
I've been fired so many times today. -Shiloh
Well, this time it's for real. Get off the set now. -Bree

What kind of language is it that I can make sounds and they're actual words? -David

Sand is smooth. -Todd

Can someone write a movie about a crazy person so I can be the crazy person? -Melanie

Picture's up. And also, your mom is up. -Phil

Question. Simple question. Why are girls crazy? -Gary

Phil, did you just speak in my ear? -Todd
No, I did. -Jordan A.

The problem is, I go up to space and I just start shooting rockets. -Derek
You can't help yourself. -Ephraim

I think he needs more salt. He has hardly any on him. -Phil
Every time you say that, Tom says it looks fine. -Shiloh
Hey Tom, do you think he needs more salt? -Phil
No, I think he looks fine. -Tom

I move my hips too much. -Derek

Haha. I fooled you both into thinking I was a hot blooded hawk. -Tom

For the love of all that is infected, look at that! -Tom
I can't see it. -JB

His ear's gonna fall off. -Tom
It just might. -Shiloh
Don't say that! -Tom

I don't want to be filmed standing next to Jordan. -Shiloh
Especially when I do this? -Jordan A.
Especially when you do that. -Shiloh
Yeah, me too. -Jordan A.

Good for you doing your job good. -Phil

I'm like, over the novelty of sinking feet. -Kristen

I'll never freeze. I'm surrounded by whale blubber. -Tom

I DON'T WANNA DO THIS! -JB

That's a wrap for the day. And for Mr. Stevens. Well, obviously, because it's a wrap for the day. -Phil

at the house

There's just so much guts on the ceiling. -Asia

Just make sure no one needs medical attention. -Courtney
I don't think we'd know if we did. -Tom

Did I hear Babetta say you're married to her mom? Or dad? -Tom

Did you know that your son threw a hubcap at Babetta today? Knocked out all her front teeth. -Tom
It's a hubcap now, eh? -Will
I've told you before, if you're going to hit someone, make sure they're unconscious. -Bill

I'm not pushing around, I'm coercing. -Derek

The operative phrase is 'Standby'. And then think about an answer. -Bill

I'm a Dick Tracy criminal known as No-Brain. -Tom

PARTY HOUSE!

Oh my word! It's like. . . -Asia
Ball pit angels! Ball pit angels! -Bree

We had a lot of fun before you got in the car, and we had a different kind of fun when you got in the car. -Felicia

I heard giggling. -Phil

Hey. Hey hair-head. -Phil

I feel like I attract people. -Spencer

Stop. Stop doing that. -Phil

Uh, no more mercy. -Phil

Not all of us are that long. -Melanie

Why is there a fire extinguisher in the bedroom? -Derek

First focus has to be grabbing the paddle. -Derek

Guys! I just saw Tom in his pajamas! -Phil

Ok, guys, if I'm out, you're all out. -Derek

My appendages aren't that long. -Melanie

Lobs of love. -Everyone
It may remind you of globs of love. -Derek

So, we have to be locked in a house with the opposite gender. -Felicia

Shiloh's doing that on purpose. Did you see her? -Derek

Ok, no more Mr. Mercy. Everyone's gunning for Shiloh! -Derek

When did Spencer magically transform into you? -Felicia

I don't mind the movie, I just hate the soundtrack. With a passion! -David

Let's come make quotes. -Gary
Oh, they're gonna make cute little quotes. -Felicia

Um, Gary, I don't think I like that. -Micah

Are we all gonna beat the crap out of each other over who gets the remote? -Micah
Heck yes! -Felicia

I think I might actually fall asleep. -Spencer
I know. That's the problem with lying on a couch. -Jennie

I need stuff. -Spencer
Well, we all have needs, Spencer. -Felicia

It was kind of like pedophilia sensual. -Felicia

That was not an invitation. -Spencer
To WHAT? -Felicia
I don't know. Don't most seductional things have to be an invitation? -Spencer
Not if they're any good. -Felicia

Can I just say something? You know how everyone always asks who wants to be the big spoon or the little spoon? When spooning? Well, they're the same size. Think about it - spoons fit together best when they're the same size. So it's more like who wants to be the front spoon or the back spoon. -Felicia
But, it's the idea of one spoon encompassing the other. -Gary
But they're the same size! -Felicia

Shiloh, I just realized. You are wearing a very large hoop earring. -Felicia

Shiloh, I just realized. I feel very intimidated by you. Like I can't say what I really want to. -Gary
I'm starting to have that effect on people. -Shiloh

Is David still over there pantless? -Felicia
Yes. -Spencer
Ok, you can look now. -David

Ow! -Felicia
Shh! -Gary

I think this is the first time I've massaged someone's feet that I've gotten every toe to crack. -Gary

Please don't sing that while you're massaging my feet. -Felicia

You know what would creep me out? Someone who looked like me massaging my feet. -Gary

We just played woosy-ball and dinked 'em. -Tom

K, I'm done talking. -Tom

Us boys need our pillow-talk. -Chris

Todd, you look like a ninja! -Gary
I was thinking the exact same thing! -Felicia

Shiloh wants to play. -Derek
Shiloh is in a dress. She does not want to play. -Shiloh
I'm in a dress shirt. -David
Vast difference. -Shiloh

What are we praying about? -Felicia
Images. -Melanie

I'm TWITCHY, MELANIE!! -Shiloh

First Day on Antelope

The spectacularness of this is amazing. -Tom

I don't think it's gay. I think it's pure awesomeness. Awesomenosity, as we say. -Courtney

I only like to film on cold days. -Nathan

I just have an awkward shaped head. -Nathan
Who told you that? You do not. -Gavin
Every girl I ever loved. -Nathan
How many girls have you loved? -Amanda
Whoa! You do not want to know that. -Gavin

She is off. Off like a prom dress. -Nathan

I dance like a white guy with two left feet. -Nathan

I wish I was a 20 year old woman from Australia. -Nathan
With red hair. -Bree

Where did you get those pants? -Bree
He stole them from a dead Japanese guy. -Micah
After I baptized him. -Gary

The bugs found me. And proceeded to eat me. -Bryce

It's his thinking lips. -Melanie

You look like a French sailor in that top. -Bryan

Can we all stop being annoying a-holes right now? -Derek

This is what we choose to do with our life. -Tom

Gary, your shorts are really short. -Sophia
Really? -Gary
They look pretty conservative to me. -Bree

You knew what I was saying, meanie-face. -Joey

What are you looking at? -Bill
Dead things. -Todd

I'm like a virus. An infection. -Sophia
Just stay over there in quarantine. -Joey

We could scrape it off the rafts. I know it's just sand, but it's good roughage, right? -Joey

Melanie, you look like you're not wearing pants. -Stephen
I'm not wearing pants. -Mel
I thought you would have realized what kind of shoot this is by now. -Bree

Stupid is as stupid does, so let's go get dedicated. -Joey

A&W's the best. -Shiloh
If you're a corporate whore. -Todd
Are you calling me a whore? -Shiloh
o_O -Todd

I don't mind people calling me a whore to my face, it's behind my back that bothers me. -Shiloh
I'll call you a whore to your face any day. -Bree

I'm expecting to be blown away by this beverage. -Bree

I guess men find shoulders really sexy. -Sophia
Yeah. -Joey
Really? -Bree
Yeah. -Joey
I don't understand that. Are you sure? -Bree
For the third time, yes. Men find shoulders attractive. -Joey

One time, I was a turd. . . -Todd
One time? -Micah

He wants to swap spit with you. Via avocado. -Melanie

I have no desire to put pants on. It's a problem. -Melanie

I just wanna be dry again. -Babetta

Something's wrong with Stephen. -Sophia
Stop looking at me. -Stephen
Stephen, do you need some happy water? -Todd

Is there a point to nutritional facts on water? -Todd

Look what you did to my brain. You took a song, and you glued it and stucked it. . . -Todd

The word thingy should probably be banned from the English language. -Todd

There's an awful lot of hugging going on over there. -Joey

I just had a weird thought. -Todd
That's not really surprising. -Shiloh
What if instead of shaking hands, people stand-spooned when they met? -Todd

It was a really funny commercial. -Joey
You don't know that. -Bree
I laughed. -Joey

You could be worse. You could be British. -Bree

You spank hard! -Sophia

It's like someone turned her off. -Melanie
Turn her back on! -Jennie

I just want some suspenders. -Jennie

Did anyone wear sunblock today? -Bill

I wanna go back to Cambodia real bad right now. I wanna go back real bad so I can be a real boy. -Todd

Todd, stop it. You're making the ground all gross. -Jordan
It's already wet. -Todd
You ruined it! -Bree

I can't help it - it just wants to float! -Melanie

That water's gonna be a little bit nip. -Jenny
That's oddly appropriate. -Melanie

Art Meeting

We need to start this meeting. My name is Phil, and I'm an alcoholic. -Phil
Hi Phil. -Art dept.

She wishes she could be here. -Phil

Do you ever get sick of period accuracy jokes? -Phil

I don't know what we'll prune. We'll prune the beach. -Jenny

We need a life ring. It's like the fire extinguisher of the sea. -Phil

Can we buy fat velcro? The fattest velcro in the world? -Jenny

I have this uncontrollable urge to light something on fire. -
Does it need to be confiscated? -
No. *snatching away lighter* -

Everyone's minds would be blown if you could write sounds. -Todd

*singing* Salty towel. -Todd
You just like saying things. -Bree
It's true. I do like saying things. -Todd

Hemp in the prairie grass rope? Really? -Bree

Noodles are our friend. -Felicia

Noodles! -Todd

I don't know. I'm making that up. -Phil

They make it sound really scary. -Jenny
It's because you're girls. -Phil
I take offense at that. -Felicia

I think the theater person in me was like, 'It only has to fall apart once, right?' -Felicia

We can take his idea, and then take the naive version of the idea, which will be so much simpler. -Felicia

Jenny is your fearless, fearless leader. -Phil

If any of you guys are single, looking for someone to hook up with, come talk to me. Cuz I have really good advice about that. -Phil

Will you guard me against anything Todd might do? -Asia

Last Day at Utah Lake

Do you ever feel like your name is a sentence? -Phil
No. -Wyatt

You're like a 3 year old! -Steven
You threw ants at me! -Wyatt

Your doodle-sides are not for me. -JB

I have to doodle a lot today. -Amanda
Is that a code for something? -JB

Sometimes I just want to spank you. -JB

You made that hill your bitch! All the other cars were like, 'Uhh. . .I can't make it,' but yours was all, 'You are mine.' -Bree

Wow, there's a lot of tongue action over there. . . -Jenny, referencing the cows

Tara, pop that trunk and show them what you got! -Jessica

Tom loves that smeary. -Phil

At least we don't have to stop for the helicopter today. -Tom

I was checking your butt out. -Tom

Is that the garbage bag? -Bryan
Yeah. -Sophia
Is there room for me in there? -Bryan

So, I kinda have this secret desire to hear you sing 'Single Ladies' with the accent and the outfit. With the dance. -Felicia
I understand. I have my own fetishes. -JB

I'm sorry. I totally brain faded for a moment there. -Tom

Heeeeere's JEAN-NY! -JB

I'm not pregnant. Or nursing. -Will

The camera guys might yell at you. -Phil
Tell them I dare them to. -JB

Can I get some pre-chewed gummi worms? And then can you put them in my mouth, like a bird? -Gary

Spencer's like, everybody's little boy. -David

I need a stand-in. -Phil
What?! Do I not look good enough? Am I too fat? -Tom

Reprimand me? What the beep? -Tom

Just like my cat. Always whining about unimportant things. -Phil

If there was no wind, I wouldn't have anything on. Naked as a jaybird. Just me in my birthday suit. -Derek

Yeah, it's gonna be great. We're gonna have 'For Robbing the Dead' happy meals with little Jean Baptiste toys. . .'For Robbing the Dead the Musical' is our next endeavor. Then, of course, 'For Robbing the Dead on Ice'. . . -Bill

Derek, I cannot believe you jumped that! -Byron

Did a man give you a hickey? -Felicia
On the forehead? -Gary

Actually, he was trying to make out with a dude. -Felicia

I definitely like beat up by a girl the best. -Felicia

Yay mud swallows! -Tom
You swallow mud, but you're classier than your name. -Phil

Is that a celebratory nosebleed? -David
Yes. -Derek
Do you put petroleum jelly up there? -Amanda
No. I'm not a doughnut. -Derek

You have a huge bite on your face. -Phil
You told me I didn't have one! -Asia
It didn't show up til now. -Todd

Now we're headed to Antelope Island, otherwise known as Hell. -Phil

It has a jungle gym? -Phil
That's where I'm gonna be the whooooole time. -Derek

I don't know where that came from. -Todd

Derek's been shunned. -Kristen

Derek got the crying award. -Tom
It's because I was acting. -Derek
It's because you're a girl. -David
I'll show you right now if you want. -Derek

Don't you guys wish you had someone to make out with right now? -Phil

Watch out for your blood. -Phil

My legs are like shocks. -Todd